Behind These Hazel Eyes
by jamesnlilyforever
Summary: This one shot is about James remembering Lily and the things he goes through to win her over.


A/N: Well, I was listening to the song 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' and I thought it would be fun to write a one shot about Lily and James based on it. And, so I give you, this story! ) Please review! Feedback is loved and much appreciated!

Disclaimer: The characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The song 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' belongs to Kelly Clarkson. All I own is the plot line and the idea.

* * *

**Seems like just yesterday  
****You were a part of me  
****I used to stand so tall  
****I used to be so strong  
****You arms around me tight  
****Everything, it felt so right  
****Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong**

_"I told you, James. I just can't!" Lily Evans yelled, her emerald green eyes swimming with tears. She pushed the blue velvet box containing a beautiful diamond ring back toward James Potter. With one final look, she turned around and realized that once she left, she would also be leaving James's life._

_"But Lily..." James started._

_"No," she exclaimed, her voice sharp. Exhaling slowly, she softened her voice, "No, I'm sorry."_

_James, stunned, still remained down on one knee, the ring that he had bought especially for Lily still in his hand._

_"Lily," he whispered softly. Although he knew that she would never come back, the thought wouldn't register in his mind. His eyes wandered toward the ring and he painfully saw how he had been so glad to see that the ring had almost the same shade of green of Lily's eyes framing the rather large diamond._

**Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on**

_As soon as the door slammed shut, a tear began slowly sliding down James's cheek. With an immense effort, he got to his feet and numbly made his way to the large jade colored sofa to his left._

Thinking back on that day, James realized what a big mistake he had made. He had known that if he had just gone after her, his life would have been different. She might, too, have realized how much pain she had caused him and reconsidered. Even if she hadn't, he would have at least had a chance later on. But that chance was blown now. After six months of being apart from Lily, he knew that she would have no intention of wanting him back in her life. Although it hadn't been too long, he felt as if it had been much longer, and he thought that Lily must also think this. If she had wanted him back, he knew, she would have made an effort to call or write to him.

Grumpily, he pushed himself off the bed he had been on and quickly got ready for the day. When he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw a note stuck to the refrigerator. Apparently, Sirius wouldn't be home as he was picking up an extra shift that was 'much needed'.

James sighed and slumped into the cold metal barstool that was pulled up the counter of James and Sirius's island kitchen.

_'Good thing it is a Sunday. I don't think I have the energy to go to work,'_ James thought to himself.

**Here I am, once again  
****I'm torn into pieces  
****Can't deny it, can't pretend  
****Just thought you were the one  
****Broken up, deep inside  
****But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
****Behind these hazel eyes**

As James began to slowly make and eat his breakfast, he noticed that the note had writing on the backside. Deciding that it might be something important, he reluctantly began to read it:

_Sorry to bother you, mate. There is one more thing I have to tell you. One of the women I work with was talking to someone and overheard her talking about someone named Lily Evans..._

Here, James began paying attention to the letter. He knew it was nothing to get excited over though. Lily Evans wasn't a particularly uncommon name; it could have been anyone. Nevertheless, hope flood through him and he knew that Sirius wouldn't have written about that conversation without a reason.

_...So naturally, I thought of the Lily Evans we went to school with. I wasn't sure if it was her or not, so I kind of eased myself into the conversation. As soon as I started describing her, the two recognized the description. I called myself a 'dear old friend' and asked for her most recent phone number and address. I wrote it down on the piece of parchment that is on the bathroom mirror. You may not want to talk to her again, considering, well, you know, but I thought I should get it anyway._

_--Make sure you tell me what happens,_

_Sirius_

James stared down at the letter in shock. Mixed emotions were flooding through his body. Happiness at the discovery Sirius made; pride that he had a friend great enough to do something like this for him; and fear that it could i actually /i be Lily's information.

Suddenly, a memory fled into his mind...

_James was sitting down on the soft grass by the side of the lake on the third to last day of his seventh year. Without warning, Lily Evans came and sat down beside him._

_"Hi," she said shyly._

_He turned his head and softly smiled down at her. Not his trademark smirk, but a real smile, where happiness and sadness were both showing, "Hey there."_

_"What are you thinking about?" she asked him as she placed her head on his strong arm._

_Before answering, he took her body and moved himself so that they were both leaning against the large Beech tree behind them, "I'm thinking about how much different our lives are going to be once we get out of school. We've always been so protected, so sheltered. And now we are going to be stuck out into the world where we will have to make a life for ourselves."_

_Instead of responding verbally, Lily kissed him with all that she felt about him. For a while, neither one of them wanted to stop, but James finally pulled away from her gently stroked her cheek. Then, they began discussing what it was that they were going to do with the rest of their lives._

**I told you everything  
****Opened up and let you in  
****You made me feel alright  
****For once in my life  
****Now all that's left of me  
****Is what I pretend to be  
****So together, but so broken up inside  
****'Cause I can't breathe  
****No I can't sleep  
****I'm barely hanging on**

**Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes**

Remembering how easy it had been to talk to Lily and how much he had enjoyed being with her, he knew that she was the only thing missing in his life. Without another thought about the subject, he sprinted into the bathroom and nearly tore the letter from the mirror.

The address and number were printed neatly on the small parchment and James wasted no time getting ready to leave. Within a matter of minutes, he was prepared to leave and disapparated to just outside of the large apartment that Lily shared with her two friends.

Two by two, he climbed the small steps leading up to the doorway. He took a deep breath to calm himself down and prepare for what was about to happen, and then reached out his hand and pressed the doorbell.

The soft melody reached James's ears from inside and made him smile about how much it reminded him of Lily.

Suddenly, he heard a slightly muffled voice shout, 'Coming!' and knew without doubt that it was Lily's voice that had called out to him.

His breath came in short, raggedy gasps and he was almost terrified to see Lily again. But a strange feeling in his stomach told him that everything was going to be okay, for once.

The door opened and James caught sight of the face that had been out of his life for so long. Lily's red hair was thrown into a messy ponytail and many strands were sticking out in front of her eyes. In her light, almost white shirt and black skirt, James was reminded of their Hogwarts years.

She gasped loudly and stared for a long moment.

"James?" she asked, not letting her feelings show in her voice.

**Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore...**

He nodded his head and suddenly, he saw that she was straining not to cry.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her tears making her voice sound choked up.

"Sirius got your address for me," he told her, the smile never leaving his mouth or eyes.

"Oh," was all she said, "Well, come in, I suppose." She pulled the door inward much more and ushered him into her place.

"I just--well, I just wanted to-to tell you that I-I," James muttered, his head down, watching his shoes scuff around awkwardly.

"James?"

"What?" he asked looking up into her beautiful emerald eyes.

"You can tell me."

"I just wanted to say," he said taking in a deep breath, "That I still love you. I don't think I ever stopped. Lily, I've been lost without you. My life has been a wreck. Everyday, I wake up thinking, 'what if I had gone after her?' Lily, I love you," James told her.

Tears quickly flood Lily's eyes, once again, and this time they spilled over. Within the blink of an eye, the distance between Lily and James disappeared and the two shared a long kiss.

When they broke apart, no words needed to spoken. They smiled to each other and James knew that she had been waiting for this moment since she had left him.

"I missed you," she admitted to him, "I was so scared when you asked me to marry you. Even if we had been going together for nearly two years, I kept feeling as if I wasn't ready. But, after I've been away from you for so long, I realized what a terrible mistake I made. I love you James. I always have."

For a moment, Lily feared that James was about to leave, but then, he reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet box.

Holding it out to her, he asked her a question, "Lily Evans, will you marry me?"

She smiled up and him and nodded her head yes. James's face broke out in his childlike grin and he gave her a quick kiss. They both stood there looking lovingly at each other, both knowing that everything turned out the way it was meant to be.


End file.
